I lie on my back
in Monsieur Alcide’s pasture. A wispy
breeze rustles the grass around me. Butch, my Catahoula dog, sleeps next to me,
his legs twitching in sleep. A group of dragonflies swarm about six feet above
me, the sun glistening through their diaphanous wings. In the distance, I watch
my daddy sitting ramrod-straight on his International Harvester chugging their
way up a row of young cotton plants, a thick cloud of dust trailing behind them
like smoke. When he gets to the far end of the field, he and the tractor become
one, a red slash against the horizon. In the house, my mother stands before the
stove and cooks lunch. When she is done, she will hang a white rag on the back
door, and my father will come in, the tractor in high gear, bouncing him up and
down in the seat.
The sky is clear,
a brittle azure blue that seems eternal. I feel that if I gaze at it long and
hard enough, I will see heaven. I stare so hard that my eyes ache. I think that
heaven might just be blue and God might be the white of the clouds. However,
there are no clouds in the sky, and I think that God is taking the day off, reclining
in his heaven and gazing down at the greenness of earth. I remove the blade of
grass I had been chewing from my mouth and smile up at him just in case. I do
not want to offend God. My mother told me once that God knew all and saw all. “Notre Dieu,” she said in that solemn
voice she adopted whenever she talked about God or Jesus. “Il sais tout et voit tout.” My father, who is part Native American,
part Irish and all Cajun told me that God’s spirit was in everything.
A passenger plane
inches its way across the sky, smoke trailing behind it in a thin stream that
expands and disappears the further it travels. I imagine what it might be like
to be in that plane sitting in a comfortable seat, drinking a Coca Cola, and
eating ice cream. I wonder if God is on the plane.
A mosquito hawk
glides on the updrafts, his sharp eyes focused on the green world below him. Like God, I think. Suddenly, he folds
his wings, and dives downward, the wind shrieking around his aerodynamic body. When
he opens them again, he shoots back up to continue scrutinizing the world below
for insects. I try to imagine what it would feel like to have wings—to feel the
rush of air as I dive downward and shoot back up at the last moment before
striking the earth. I try to imagine, but I cannot. The nearest I can come to
it is running down the dirt lane that leads to our house, the wind blowing my
hair back, my legs pumping, my heart racing, my chest heaving, my mind whirling
with the strength I feel in me. It is close, but I am still earthbound—always
one foot on the ground.
My mother hangs
out the white rag calling my father in for lunch. His back is to the house, and
he will not see it until he comes up another row.
I hear the plane
before I see it. It is coming from the direction of the field my father works,
and is flying much lower than the passenger plane. It emits a low growl that
grows louder as it nears me. When it is directly over me, the air explodes, so
loud that I can feel it, as thunder will sometimes rumble inside of me during
storms. A white halo encircles the plane just behind the wings, and I think that’s God’s plane. I place my hands
over my ears and watch it disappear just as quickly as it appeared leaving
behind the roar of the engine and the booming echoes of the explosion. Butch
jumps up and runs home. The dragonflies disappear, as does the mosquito hawk. My
father stops the tractor, stands up, and surveys the sky. My mother sticks her
head out of the back door and does likewise. God is angry, I think, and look up, expecting the azure sky to break
apart sending down blue shards like rain from the heavens, leaving behind it a sky
so black that it is impossible to pierce, and I wonder what we have done to
anger God.
_____
As a young boy, I heard my first sonic boom while sitting in my father's cotton field, much like this character, and it frightened me to death. I remember thinking that it sounded like thunder in a cloudless sky and being confused at the unnaturalness of the experience. The thought occurred to me then, that it might be an act of God. Several years went by before I learned about the science behind it, and I was both awed by the information and disappointed.